You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.  You are able to say to yourself, “I have lived through this horror.  I can take the next thing that comes along.”  You must do the thing you think you cannot do. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Going through a divorce or any traumatic event like the death of a loved one, illness , job loss, or any kind of suffering requires courage.  Even love takes courage.  Courage means facing whatever those scary feelings and thoughts are, and acting in spite of them.  You may be feeling afraid, but move forward anyway.  You may be feeling angry; move forward anyway.  Find a healthy outlet for your feelings, but move forward in life instead of getting stuck.  Make the choice to move forward; to make the best of what life has to offer.

Let’s take the example of divorce.  Divorce sucks.  How do I know?  Been there, done that.  I went through feelings of being completely numb, angry, sad, frustrated, and I even had periods of being really happy and relieved, not to mention scared of being alone.  Can you relate?  People experiencing divorce go through a multitude of feelings, some go through all of them in only an hour!  Any kind of suffering is obviously not pleasant, but it is a part of life.  Yes, the feelings can be absolutely overwhelming sometimes.  It is perfectly okay to have those feelings.  If you think you need the help of a therapist to work through them, by all means get one.

Divorce was one of the best things that ever happened to me, but I didn’t feel that way at the time.  It opened me up to new possibilities in life; better possibilities and experiences.  I never would have met my new husband, a person much better suited to me, if I had not gone through a divorce.  I never would have stuck with therapy or gotten a degree or had the opportunity to fire a lawyer in court (talk about scary and empowering at the same time!) or even started competing in 5k races.  I wrote a book and had to deal with a libel lawsuit.  I’ve dealt with people who have gone out of their way to harm me intentionally by consistently and clearly stating my boundaries even though I knew it meant a loss of their connection.

I tried and tried to make my marriage work; dragging my ex to two marriage counselors, completely puzzled as to how to fix our marriage (read my book, Transforming Divorce to find out what happened).  I felt so scared, but I feel so grateful now in hindsight that my marriage didn’t work out.  Life had other plans and they were so much better!  Instead of holding tightly onto what was, I decided to let go and live.  Have you let go?  Have you let go of the fear that is holding you back?

Do you have clenched fists or open palms?

Courage is staring down whatever it is you are afraid of and doing the things you need to do in spite of your fear.  Courage is putting one foot in front of the other even though it is painful to do so.  In the end, you learn from your bravery; you find strength from facing your fears and you learn that if you go through something else scary, you can do it because you’ve done it before.  Courage is the way to truth and authenticity.  Courage is playing in the game of life and not just sitting on the sidelines afraid of getting hurt, or afraid you aren’t playing the right way, or waiting for the exact moment, or any fear that is getting in the way of truly enjoying life.

Living a full and authentic life takes courage.  Courage is like a muscle; the more you use it, the stronger it becomes. Be the hero(ine) of your life; be courageous.  Be the one who says “No, this stops now!” or “I am going to do this because it is the right thing to do.”  Be the one who models good behavior for their children or co-workers and for generations to come.  If you want more courage, be courage.  Model what it is so that when others think of courage, they think of you.

**Coaching is a way to work past your fears and to find your courage.  If you are experiencing or have experienced divorce, you may have lost your connection to your own power, losing sight of your strength as you struggle to just survive in your daily life.  Coaching is a way to work past your fears by having someone on your side, especially someone who has been through it, supporting you, motivating you, and guiding you to your best self.  If you are interested in coaching, contact me at nicole@nicolenenninger.com.

**Have questions?  Suggestions?    Have a story to share?  Want to see more of a topic – or less?  Let me know by using the comment form or emailing me at nicole@nicolenenninger.com.  Thanks to everyone for coming by the website and for your great feedback!