3 Reasons Why Your Relationship Has Lost Its Spark and What You Can Do About It

Are you bored with your relationship and your partner? Do you wish your relationship was like it used to be–like when you first met? Maybe your partner was more romantic, thoughtful, talkative, or less grumpy?

There’s something so nice about being in a relationship that lasts for years–not months, weeks, or days. A relationship that is built on a foundation of love and connection . It’s comforting, isn’t it? I mean, there’s something so nice about having something in your life that’s comfortable besides your comfy sweatpants or pajamas.

It’s wonderful to know that you have a partnership in which you feel safe enough to grow, to share dreams with one another, and to know you’ll be side by side for a long time and in it for the long haul.

Sometimes when you’re in a relationship, you hit a boring patch.

Your relationship could be boring because you’ve become busy in other parts of your lives–’cause you know, you’ve got kids and/or careers and you’ve focused much of your attention on other things instead of your relationship.

Because, you know, your relationship will be there, right?


To be in an extraordinary relationship, you have to give it some focus and attention. 

Have You Heard of the Wheel of Life?

This is a life coaching exercise that is really one of the most enlightening ones out there–and it’s so simple to do! coaching exercisesUsing the wheel above, rate each category from 0 to 10, 10 meaning that part of your life is going amazingly well and 0 meaning it’s pretty bad and needs more focus and attention.

If you don’t like the categories listed, make your own.

When you’re done, plot them on the wheel and join the dots. You’ll see a lopsided wheel emerge.

Chances are, if you’re reading this, your romance/partner category is rated pretty low. What categories had high ratings for you, by the way? Is it because you’ve given them more effort or focus?

By the way, this is a no judgment zone. It doesn’t help if, in your mind, you’re berating yourself or your partner for neglecting your relationship. It’s a sign that it needs some work. That’s it. No blame, no shame.

What this exercise shows you is that there are other areas of your life you’re giving more of your attention. It’s time to put some attention on your relationship if you want it to thrive. 

relationship advice

What are 3 reasons why your relationship has lost its spark?

  1. You and your partner haven’t focused on the relationship. It’s not a priority for you, them, or both of you.
  2. You don’t have the tools to take your relationship to the next level.
  3. You take your partner for granted and/or vice versa.

What are some concrete steps you can take to get back on track and reignite the spark you once had? Well, it would take a whole book–at least!–to list all the ways to do this. Let’s just start with 5 easy tips.





relationship advice

Here are 5 take-away tips you can use starting today to reignite the spark in your relationship:

  1. Every morning when you wake up and every evening before you go to sleep, think of at least one thing you are grateful for about your partner. This sets you up to see their beautiful and loving parts of themselves. You’re looking through a love and appreciation filter instead of one that’s more critical.
  2. Every day do one nice thing for your partner. Learn about what they prefer: a love note, a small present, an act of service, appreciation, etc. (check out my article on the 5 love languages).
  3. Every day, greet your partner when they and/or you get home from work with love and positivity. Forget about complaining about work, the kids, etc. Focus on gratitude, love, and appreciation.
  4. Every day, say thank you to your partner and appreciate at least one thing your partner does for you–even if it’s very little.
  5. Do one thing differently: Respond differently to what they say. Go on a date night to a restaurant you’ve wanted to try. Ask them about their latest goals and dreams. Kiss and hug them more.

I’ve heard many counselors begin their sessions with couples asking them to tell the story of how they first met and fell in love. That’s a very sweet way of placing you back into the experience of love, excitement, and connection. It’s a story – and if you’re experiencing boredom in your relationship currently – recognize it’s another story you’ve created that can change.

Your relationship is one of the most valuable things you can have in the world. Treat it like it’s one of your finest treasures–because it is!

It’s a place–no, forget place! — it’s a haven to learn how to love another being unconditionally, to love yourself unconditionally, to foster connection, to heal your childhood wounds, to grow as an individual and as a couple, and to go through life with a best friend. Enlightened and conscious relationships do that.

If you think you need a lot more than the five tips listed here to jumpstart your relationship, you may be a good candidate for relationship coaching (CLICK HERE for more details).

At the very least, try these tips–you can start today to get the spark back in your relationship. It starts with one person – that’s you!


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