Our elders have a lot to teach us. Recent research* has uncovered the reasons why long-married couples stay together–and by long-married I mean couples who have been together for 30,40, 50 or more years.
What’s their advice for long-lasting love?
The Top 5 Tips for Marriage Success
1. Communicate well.
2. Work as a team.
3. Know your partner really well before you marry them.
4. Know that marriage is a life-long, unbreakable commitment.
5. Have a partner that is very similar to you.
Learn how to communicate in a healthy, respectful, and positive way.
No blaming, no shaming. Keep the energy of your interactions positive. Keep the positivity ratio of your interactions 5 to 1. That is, 5 positive interactions to 1 negative one. Many people pattern the way they communicate after their parents–a default mode that could be damaging to your long-term prospects of a loving relationship.
For a marriage to last, it means knowing you are a team.
So much of society has become me-focused–which does not work well if you crave a healthy relationship. Think about sports teams, like football. You practice individually and with the team. You show up as your best self each day–practice or game, even if you’re not feeling 100%–so the team can succeed. You look out for the team–you’re in it together. You look out for you, for the team as a whole, and for your individual teammates.
Knowing your partner–especially their inner world (and your inner world as well) is vitally important as is having similar values and interests.
I know there are relationships where the partners are complete opposites, but this is the exception–not the rule. When the going gets tough, it’s nice to be close to your partner by bonding over your similarities–they draw you together even more so.
If you want a long-term relationship, it helps your odds tremendously if you are committed 100% to one another.
There is so much distraction and temptation with the Internet, with office co-workers, friends, etc. You must be very strong with your boundaries–if you aren’t, cracks appear in the proverbial armor of your relationship. I could write a whole book on this subject–but I’ll spare you for now. 🙂 Knowing you are 100% committed creates a container of sorts in which to feel safe. When you have safety, you have room for connection, intimacy, growth, and love to flourish. 100% commitment doesn’t take away your freedom–if anything it provides you with more–the freedom to explore growth and learning both as a couple and as individuals.
Relationships can be a haven where it is safe to learn, to heal, and to grow.
Being in a loving relationship is one of the best ways to promote self-growth and in this respect, as you love and value yourself more, you grow as a couple, too. Love in a relationship flourishes from the inside out.
Marriage provides the best venue to learn and grow, so you can become your best, most authentic self. ~Nicole Nenninger
*Cornell University. (2015, June 17). Love, factually: Gerontologist finds the formula to a happy marriage. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/06/150617134613.htm
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If your relationship needs some attention, and you’re not sure just reading articles like these and books will help, I invite you to discover relationship coaching. You can find out more by clicking here: Relationship Coaching.
Nicole Nenninger, MA has worked with hundreds of clients to help them transform and change their lives. Her specialty is to show you how to become more of who you are- with yourself and within relationships. Nicole has two Masters degrees in Psychology and Marriage & Family Therapy and is certified as a life coach. CONTACT Nicole for more information about how coaching can help you.