“Think thoughts that make you feel good, make choices that make you feel good, and take actions that make you feel good.” ~Cheryl Richardson, You Can Create an Exceptional Life
As I enter the second week after this entire website crashed, I am filled with a sense of acceptance (actually since it happened, I have been). I have a new blank slate to create whatever I want. What do readers want to see? What will make them feel good? How can I connect on an emotional level with people–people who want to make changes in their life, move through the changes in their life, or get through the changes?
I’ve also finished my first week of school (I’m enrolled in a Marriage and Family Therapy program) and on the first day, I knew–just knew–that I made the right choice. I’m focused, motivated, and happier knowing I’ve made the decision now to pursue a career as a therapist helping couples and families. I feel good!
Getting to the point of making the decision has been a long 3 years of indecisiveness. I now realize that it’s taken that long to get more grounded and centered after experiencing the loss of two children to Parental Alienation (but there has been reconciliation and healing with one of them–I feel so incredibly blessed that that has happened!), the continuance of issues between my ex and I, as well as issues with my husband’s ex. Not to mention focusing on parenting the other two children with the nagging fear of loss in the back of my mind (if I make them do this chore or hold them accountable to their actions, will they then choose an easier path and leave?). These stressful occurrences made me question if I was ready to work with families and couples. Here I am putting out fires with the kids, running to different therapists, hoping with all my being that our exes will realize that it is not okay to have a child align with a parent–and it’s to no avail. My expectations are reasonable, but not realistic. They are who they are–I cannot change them. I have wasted a lot of time, effort, even money trying to convince them that our children’s emotional well-being will be damaged. As one therapist said, “Kids learn through adversity.” Alrighty then…As a parent I had hoped to spare them some pain–present and future (because PA kids inevitably suffer from long-term emotional/psychological damage until they begin to resolve it with a competent professional–and they miss out on being with a loving parent. It’s a drama they don’t need). It’s made me a stronger parent–to hold onto the vision of unconditional love–but boy this journey has been tremendously painful at times.
When I put down the proverbial rope of the tug-a-war, I put down the struggle and stress. That struggle had me concerned that I would not be able to practice MFT until I resolved and processed the emotional and psychological pain that has occurred these past few years. However, on Monday as I looked through my syllabus, I realized I am ready; I am centered. I am excited to be able to help couples and families through their own pain so they too can stop playing tug-a-war and move on with life.
Putting down that rope made me feel good. Learning makes me feel good. Knowing I can help others makes me feel good. Doing good makes me feel good. When I focus on what makes me feel good instead of angry, frustrated, resentful, or sad; I shift my attitude and emotions toward something that enhances my life instead of detracting from it.
Focusing on what makes you feel good helps you create a better life for yourself. It may sound self-centered–to focus on yourself and feeling good–but when you are feeling good, it affects everyone around you. Your quality of life skyrockets. Your partner, your family, your friends, co-workers–everyone benefits (except those who don’t wish you well, but they are instead dealing with thoughts of envy, etc. Those are the people who put you down instead of lift you up–and what makes you feel good? People who lift you up!).
Feeling good first starts with your thoughts. If you have a poor attitude or are stuck in a cycle of drama or negative repetitive thoughts; your quality of life will be diminished. When you step out of that and into a place of examining those thoughts with: Do these thoughts make me feel good?--that’s when the shift begins to happen. That’s actually a great time to go over some positive affirmations!
Focus your day around things that make you feel good. You can’t feel good all the time–there are times when it’s appropriate to feel sad, angry, etc. (human emotions only last about 90 seconds–anything after that and you know you’ve attached meaning/thoughts to it). We all have moments and tasks that are not entirely pleasant, but that’s where attitude comes in. Cultivating a positive attitude is a habit. When you spend your day focusing on choices, thoughts, and actions (thank you, Cheryl Richardson) that make you feel good, your whole day–and soon your life–will take on a more positive glow.
Extraordinary living first starts within–thinking positive thoughts that empower you and your life. This is a choice you make every single second of your day.
What makes you feel good? When do you feel good? Would you say your thoughts are more life-enhancing or life-detracting?
What an insightful post! Thanks for sharing. I can imagine the pain that the PA kids go through. I have been there once and it was not easy. I think, my kids makes me feel good.. when I look at them each day, I realize that I have done good by giving birth to them and that my existence in this world was not in vain after all…
Hi Vinma–I know what you mean about kids–they are beautiful miracles! I never felt that kind of love before I had kids. Most of the time when I’m feeling good, it has something to do with love–loving thoughts, loving actions, loving intentions.