When I was on the verge of turning 40, my 17-year marriage blew up into oblivion.  Divorced and alone, I faced the world with a certain resolve that I would not get in a relationship again.  I didn’t want to go through the heartbreak of another break up.  I also began to realize after time went by that I did not need a man in my life to make me happy or to complete me.  I was comfortable being alone.  At that time in my life I made the conscious decision not to be in a relationship with anyone.

Then, as fate would have it, I met my soul mate.

soul mate relationshipMy new book, Attract Your Soul Mate: A Simple Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life Using the Law of Attraction and Other Spiritual Methods, is based on the true story of how I met and married my husband–my soul mate and the love of my life.  It’s been eight wonderful years now.  Everyday I wake up feeling so much gratitude for the opportunity to spend my days with my soul mate by my side.  This kind of love is beyond anything I ever could have imagined.  The level of love and happiness I feel now is off the charts.

My first marriage was an okay-ish marriage; it wasn’t a great one.  We were like roommates.  I remember searching for cards around birthday and anniversary times and felt so limited.  The cards expressed a deeply felt connection–a connection I did not feel with my ex.

My second marriage is amazing.  Those Hallmark cards can’t even begin to express the profound love I have for my guy.  My wish is that everyone could experience this kind of love in their lifetime.

So, let me ask you…

What is keeping you from having a great relationship?


1.  You have set limits–limits on the amount of available suitors and/or on the amount of time available to find someone.

You think there are only a limited amount of fish in the fishpond, but it’s a whole big world out there!  Your soul mate exists, and they are waiting for you.  I think back to the path of how my husband and I met and it’s astounding!  Perfect timing and circumstances…

If you are thinking there are not a lot of fish in the sea, your limitations on the availability of partners creates a scarcity mentality.  Let the Universe handle the details.  Think abundance.

Same thing goes for putting a time constraint on love.  A lot of women especially may feel they need to find “the right one” by a certain age or they’ll never have kids or a partner.  This is also limited thinking.  Don’t focus on the scarcity of partners or time; focus on something positive.  Focus on the abundance all around you.

2.  You think you need a mate and that having one is necessary to be happy.

I did not have a need for a man in my life–I let go of the need and then Surprise!  He showed up in my life!  Part of this journey is learning to love yourself and your company.  I was comfortable with being alone for the rest of my life.

3.  You don’t believe you are good enough.

If you don’t think you are good enough, you will attract partners who think this way about you too.  Or, you may not attract anyone at all.  Your self-esteem influences the quality of relationship you have.

4.  You are jealous of others who have great relationships.

Jealousy is a dis-empowering emotion that repels a great relationship away from you.    Jealousy is also a feeling and thought pattern that limits the abundance that can show up in your life.  Focus your attention other, more empowering emotions.

5.  You complain about your dates and relationships.

You’re focused on the negatives and problems instead of being focused on solutions and the positives.  Like attracts like.  Think about what you do want and the things that are going right.  Focus on the experiences you want to create in your life and how those will feel.

Do you notice what all of these have in common?  They are all thoughts and beliefs.  This is great news!  You are 100% responsible for your thoughts and beliefs.  At any time, you can choose to change what your beliefs and thoughts are.  The first step is acknowledging they exist and they are detracting from your life, not enhancing it.  The next step is to do something about it.  These thoughts and beliefs have taken residence in your mind for a very long time, so like many things that are worthwhile, it will take a little bit of time, effort, and focus to change them.

My single most important piece of advice when it comes to wanting a great relationship?

If you want love, be love.  Be the kind of person you would fall in love with.

If you know someone who can benefit from this or if you like this article please like or share this on FB, tweet it, link to this, and/or leave a comment.  Thanks!  Let’s get the word out on what it takes to have an extraordinary relationship!  My mission is to help as many people create loving and long-lasting relationships as possible!

Sign up for your **FREE** report on The Secrets of Loving Relationships.  Packed with proven tips on how to improve your relationship.

If your relationship needs some attention, and you’re not sure just reading articles like these and books will help, I invite you to discover relationship coaching.  You can find out more by clicking here:  Relationship Coaching.

relationship adviceMy passion is to enrich people’s lives by helping them create extraordinary relationships.  I am a certified life coach, have a Master’s degree in psychology, and am a Marriage and Family Therapy Candidate.  I am the author of Attract Your Soul Mate:  A Simple Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life Using the Law of Attraction and Other Spiritual Methods (BRAND NEW!), Transforming Divorce, the Transforming Divorce Workbook, and co-author (with my husband Don Nenninger) of The Secrets of Loving Relationships, and The Art and Science of Parenting:  How to Act When Your Kid’s Acting Out. 

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